Day 10 - My Path of Gratitude

Thursday, September 30, 2010

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Joy Riders by Fredoon Rassouli

Today is Day 10 and I think my titles are kind of boring, so I am going to start using something more creative. Of course, it’s still Day 10 of 42 of the Final Wave of World Gratitude! Instead of using the same title and only changing the number, I am going to write the title after I write my thoughts. So let’s see what happens. By the time I finish writing today you will be able to see the title above, so it will only be a surprise for me. That’s ok, sometimes surprises are good, and well, sometimes not.

My mind is kind of blank when I read the title Grip on Gratitude. My first though is that Grip and Gratitude seem like complete opposites. So I have to ask, what does that mean? It can’t mean to hold on tightly, that would destroy it. I think there must be a balance. The grip must be gentle but yet firm enough to keep it in your heart.

When I look at the painting, included in today’s Go Gratitude email, I just love it. Not only is it beautiful, it’s calming and instills a visual feeling of gratitude. I could spend hours just gazing into it. Many of his paintings have the swirling pattern that so resembles the Go Gratitude symbol. He has a wonderful online gallery where I could so easily lose track of time.

Which brings me to how great’full I am for my relationships both good and bad. I have learned many lessons along the way. I so wanted to be included in my children’s lives as they got older and began families of their own. I had to learn the hard way that I had to let go. It’s been a difficult and painful path to tread. Relationship’s are like gratitude, you cannot grip too tightly, or too loosely, there must also be a balance between giving and receiving, and not so much taking. Believe me when I say, I have lived and learned my lessons well.

My parents argued constantly, I thought that’s the way it’s supposed to be. As I have gotten older, I have come to forgive my mother for all the pain she caused me over the years. Perhaps she was the mother I needed, but certainly not the one I wanted!

It’s so true that children learn what they live, and it continues into parenthood by living what they learned. I am afraid the bad parenting skills I learned as a child reared their ugly head in my own parenting style. I can only hope to be forgiven for my limitations, failings and inadequacies. I can say I am only human; but I believe we are all so much more…it just takes time to remember. Now that I’m 56, soon to be 57, I can only strive to be a better parent to my grown children. It’s too late for me go back and change anything…oh, so many mistakes a long the way.

I have always had difficulty controlling my emotions. With a Scorpio Moon conjunct my Scorpio Ascendant, I would describe myself as emotional, maybe even sometimes to the extreme. And I really hate it when I lose control and cry in front of someone. It just drains all of my energy and I am exhausted afterward. It’s taken years to gain some measure of control. If I can get into the Now, going beneath the dissonance to the stillness, I can usually prevent it, but not always. However, the first step to changing something is always to recognize it for what it is. 
To me a fist means discord, and uncontrollable anger. I never imagined finding Gratitude in a fisted hand, clasped inside of the other hand! Another ‘aha’ moment…transforming disharmony into gratitude…how amazing is that? I am so thankful for the connection I have to the One that we all are, as fingers on the hand; and to the past, to the future and to the NOW. Go Gratitude! And so my lessons continue as I walk my healing path of Gratitude….

I am One with Gratitude in this moment! I am Marsha!


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