Day 18 - Living in Gratitude

Friday, October 1, 2010

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album cover: Artful touch Love with Gratitude
Some days it seems as if all I write is drivel and some days I can get into my feelings. These are the days I strive for and this is what I need for healing to occur, and for me to change and grow.

I just realized that today I no longer have the need to be validated by being published. If my writing helps just one person then I have been successful, even if that one person is me. One of the reasons I am writing is to heal myself by releasing my pain to the light and through gratitude I am doing this.

No one can understand the deep emotions of the water signs, Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces unless they have them in their natal chart. Understanding comes only from being there. With a Scorpio moon conjunct a Scorpio Ascendant, I have fallen into the depths of the darkness that depression brings. I have experienced the ‘dark night of the soul’ and I want you to know it lasts much longer than one earthly night! I must have cried a thousand of times, ‘please give me a reason to live’.

At my darkest point when I so wanted to die and could find no reason to go on, my daughter, Becky, said to me ‘let me be your reason to live’ and so it is… A few months later, I channeled energy and Light to her and shook her each time she stopped breathing. The healing energy seemed so useless, even futile but I kept sending and praying. I begged and pleaded for Mother-Father God to save her and I could only offer my own pitiful and worthless life in exchange for hers. As I sat there watching her puke blood, I selfishly asked myself “How will I go on living?”

She later told me that during this time she had left her body and was with the Angels in a wonderful, warm and safe place and whatever I was doing had helped. She was fighting to come back for her children and she did come back. She was born anew with new insights from the other side and she was literally a new person, different but stronger. Now she faces more surgery and I must be strong once again. I know how much the Angels love her, she is surrounded by them, they will protect her and keep her safe and it will be all right.

As I move closer to the Light, the farther away I move from the edge of the darkness I call depression. I could never have known the Joy and Ecstasy of the Light without having been in the deep dark pit of depression. I am walking a path of gratitude and it’s taking me closer to the light. I am a wounded healer and I am being healed with gratitude. Go gratitude!

I am Marsha!



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