Day 21 – Finding My Way Home With Gratitude

Friday, October 1, 2010

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Image by Daniel B. Holeman*
I have been worried for the last week since my 38 year old daughter told me she needed a hysterectomy. Then the biopsy was inconclusive, so the doctors decided to do the surgery as soon as possible. As the day has gotten closer, my emotional sensitivity has increased dramatically, day by day. I am a bundle of emotions but I would be this way even if I were there with her. Alaska is a long way from Ireland.

A few moments ago as I was standing in the kitchen making tea, I felt a feeling of peace and stillness come over me, a knowing that she will be all right. I think it’s always difficult for a parent when a child needs surgery even a grown up one. I must go beneath to the Now to quiet my irrational mind and still my out of control emotions. Oh the woes of Scorpio water signs! It doesn’t help that it’s been cloudy and dreary the last few days. Where is the sunshine?

I’m just not sure what home is. I wanted it to be a place that never changed, but that could never be. One of the hardest lessons I had to learn is that change is the only thing that never changes. It’s a Catch 22. Things are always different. I moved away from Rye where I grew up as soon as I graduated from High School. When I came back to live it was different, things were not the same as I remembered. I had this same experience many times over the years. Then later when I was living in Golden, my husband and I separated for the second time, and again because of my kids. I so wanted to feel safe, to have a home, but I didn’t, and the man I loved had abandoned me again. I remember riding the bus to go to a Rockies game, and I felt this all encompassing sadness come over me as I realized that change was the only thing I could count on.

OMG I just realized something, ‘New Light’ has come into my reality. That Mother-Father God, Allah, Jehovah, Great Spirit, the Divine, Golden Light, or whatever name you wish to use, IS something I can count on too. Wow! I know I am ever changing, but now I must wonder is God the one thing that never changes? Perhaps it is this fantasy of reality where change exists. Does change exist behind the veil? And what about the darkness, I know it cannot survive in the light, but is it in the real world as an opposite of Light? Or is it only here in our illusionary Earth School? Interesting isn’t it, how one new answer brings so many more questions.

Ok, so today is number twenty one, does that mean writing each day has become a habit? I think it has. I have learned so much writing for these last 3 weeks. Today’s message defines Home as ‘our sacred place of rest, relaxation, and peaceful-nes.’ This is exactly how I feel when I am connected to the light! So, today I have learned that there are 2 things I can count on and also that my home is not an earthly one! Love it! I am writing my path of gratitude, clearing negative emotions and gaining new insights along the way. Go Gratitude!

I am Marsha!

Day 21 - COMING H(OM)E


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