Day 22 - The New Light of Gratitude

Friday, October 1, 2010

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*artwork by Frank Riccio for Cafe Gratitude*
What an amazing morning. I woke up to the sun shining in the window. I can’t even remember the last time this happened. I walked down to the River Laune and took some pictures and just soaked in the sunshine. The water was so still and smooth like a mirror reflecting the beautiful scenery surrounding it. This is unusual too, the wind always seems to blow. I am so glad I was able to seize the moment this morning because it’s was raining by lunchtime.

In the picture I see the fruit of summer in her eyes even though it’s a bleak fall day after the leaves have long fallen, the sky is gray and snow may be on the way. To me this says keep your eye on prize. I must hold onto my dreams with all my senses in all realms in order for them to manifest. Is this like seeing through rose colored glasses? Perhaps, but I must take steps to manifest my vision, not just living in a state of denial, saying everything is fine.

Have you ever noticed the shock on the face of the person who asked you “How are you?” and you just told them the truth? The customary response is “fine” but how often is it true? Being an emotional person I have on occasion responded with the truth, not meaning to but doing so never the less. I have seen the surprise on their faces, more than once. When I ask someone how they are, it’s because I care deeply and I genuinely want to know the truth. Yes, I know I am unique, a nice word for strange! So I have to ask, what if everyone just told the truth about how they really feel? Wouldn’t it be interesting? Would people stop asking?

I think this is an important concept for me. I have learned in my 22 days of writing with gratitude that I must acknowledge what I am feeling and not live in a state of denial. Otherwise I will not grow and move closer to the light. When I take Zoloft and Lunesta, I am numb, and certainly not in touch with my emotions. In this drug induced fog, my emotions are still smoldering deep inside of me and I know they will flare up someday. Well now is that day, not literally because I stopped taking both of them some time ago, and I feel lucid and intently focused. I have realized another important insight today. ‘New Light’ (a.k.a. aha moment) has once again come into my reality.

I say this because I was once a Jehovah’s Witness. I became a member for a couple of years way back in the 70’s, a really long time ago! They managed to scare me into believing that they were the only religion teaching “The Truth” and only their members who worked hard (knocking on doors) would be saved. Crazy huh! Well, the world didn’t end in 1975 as they had predicted. So, I finally came to my senses, and I stopped believing their so-called version of the truth. Besides they couldn’t answer all my questions, and I always have questions. The Watchtower Society (Jehovah’s Witnesses’ leadership) has actually predicted the end of the world several times. When their prophecies were wrong, they would receive New Light, which is a different way of understanding and interpreting the scriptures. It was more like new dogma and just another way to keep their members in the dark and living in fear.

I am so sorry for those who are blinded by their dark doctrines. I am also sorry for all the pain I caused during this time, especially for my children. I did not let them celebrate Easter, Christmas, Halloween or even their birthday. They were young at the time and I was only a member for a couple of years. Excuses begone! Even though I have made more than my share of mistakes over the years, I am grateful for the knowledge I have gained during my life experiences.

I am riding the wave of gratitude, bringing the light into the darkness. I am Marsha!



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