Day 35 - Letting Go of the Weight with Gratitude

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

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*Mayan Hunab Ku*
After looking at the pictures that were taken on my birthday, I realize that I need to lose a few pounds, not only would I look better but I’m sure I would feel better too. My daughter has reached her goal of losing 131 pounds! Kudos! I know it’s been difficult for her, but her future is bright and she looks beautiful. I have lost enough to fit into some of my smaller jeans but I need to lose more. So, why is it so hard? And why have I ALWAYS been so obsessed with it? I’m sure it’s all part of wanting to be like everyone else...and wanting to fit in. Of course, the media doesn’t help. I can remember looking in the mirror when I was very young, I would guess I was about 4 and I would think how fat I was. This was way back in the late 50’s. I don’t know where this was coming from, but I wonder about it now because I was so young. I was not fat, I was ‘normal’ for my age and height. Things that make you go hmmm!

As I got older I always held my stomach in, so I had some killer abs, never washboard, but very strong just the same. I even held my stomach in when I was pregnant, so after giving birth my stomach muscles were still strong. I was always able to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes in less than 2 weeks after giving birth. I always had a nine month bout of morning sickness, and several requiring the occasional emergency room visits to stop the retching and heaving. So I never gained a lot of weight. Then of course there was the occasional bulimia flares, which tended to worsen during my bouts of depression.

I developed asthma as an adult in my thirties after having a severe sinus infection because the doctor kept telling me I had allergies. Hah! I thought this was strange since I had never been allergic to anything but I didn’t know any better because I never even had a sinus infection before. I no longer trust doctors because of this experience. I always question what they tell me, and do my own research. This began a long journey of using inhalers to keep it in check. The reason I mention this is because in my fifties I decided to embrace my expanding waistline and I stopped holding in my stomach so tightly. And a miracle happened, I could breathe! I still carry an emergency inhaler but I no longer have to use the cortisone inhaler everyday. It all seems so strange now and so very simple.

I have tried high protein, low carb diets and find it impossible to follow because of the constipation. I don’t like the concept of low fat, and I sure don’t like salsa on a baked potato! We need some fat in our diet to prevent dry skin, brittle hair and nails. And besides, I so prefer butter on my baked potato because I cannot gag it down without it. First we were told to eat margarine then we were told that was bad and to eat a little butter instead. Don’t drink coffee, then well go ahead and drink coffee, it’s not so bad, and so one. This flip flopping erodes their credibility. At first when I found out that I was allergic to wheat and gluten intolerant, I lost a lot of weight. I didn’t know what to eat and I ate mostly salads. But over the years I have found lots of wheat replacements and started eating the same type of diet I ate before, including lasagna, pasta, pizza, bread, etc.

When I was younger I used to think eating healthy meant eating whatever I wanted and taking vitamins. I have suffered through the years with IBS, heartburn and diverticulitis and seen the doctor many times over the years. I now know better. Shouldn’t doctors know this? And why did they not tell me any of this? Mmmmmmmm… maybe because they are not trained in nutrition! Or are the drug companies who are making millions on their drugs to treat GERD paying the doctors for promoting them? What a vicious circle! I have thrown away the “Food Pyramid” because it’s not how people should eat.

So the question becomes, how have I managed to lose 10 lbs so far without dieting? I am great’full to have found Sherry Brescia and her Great Taste No Pain program. She explains everything so simply that it is easy for me to understand and to follow. It’s basically a combination diet. I have not changed the foods I eat, except for eliminating the diet colas because they give me heartburn. I am changing the way I combine the foods I eat, so I don’t have heartburn which results in better digestion. I am also eating more fresh fruits and vegetables because I feel better when I do and it’s easier for me to lose weight. Yay!

Ahhhhhhhh . . . the sun is shining and sunny days are so rare here, time is a wastin. Today’s blog is much longer than I intended, but I am thankful because I needed to work on my self image issues. Writing, releasing, and ever-evolving in gratitude! Go Gratitude!

Walking a ‘lighter’ and ‘brighter’ path of gratitude! I am Gratitude! I am Marsha!



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